Maybe, Sparrow: Climber Monkey

Climber Monkey

It's been a long week.

Really long.

My baby can pull himself to standing. He can creep along. He can fall on his head and scream. Over and over and over again.

And, with all this crazy climber monkey activity, we've got some sleep regression.

I am so tired.

I don't know if it's burn out, or depression, or just plain regular tired, but I don't want to do anything. I don't want to grocery shop. I don't want to work. I don't want to pick up or cook or get up and brush my teeth. My math is broken, my head is fuzzy, and I just can't think. I'm fogged.

I just want 8 consecutive hours of sleep.

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Maybe Sparrow is the title of a Neko Case song. I like Neko Case.

I spend a lot of time at home. And, a lot of time with my baby. I'm married, and domesticated, and probably pretty boring. And, happy. When I was single, and wild, and exciting I spent a lot of time pretty miserable. I write and read and sew and cook. I curse at the cats, and I make jokes with my husband. I love movies and music. I drive a shiny sedan. I have a lot of family in the South that I rarely see. I've seen my name in print. I'm good at doing things that I have to do, even when I don't want to. And, days rolls by too quickly since I became a mother.

I live in the mountains, surrounded by orchards and vineyards. People out here seem to think they're country. I say that technically, they are rural, but they ain't country. Californian Republicans amuse me.

I really don't know what else to say. I feel like I'm finally a grown-up, and that's very strange. It's doubly strange in a society that really hates the whole notion of adulthood.

I want to write books, but I have no stories to tell. I want to make quilts, but I'm impatient. I want to learn other languages, but I can't afford to travel. I want to be a clearer, cleaner, better, more put together me, but I generally feel like I'm pretty seat of my pants. I just can't get the Ideal to match the Reality. I do my best.

My son is the sweetest thing on Earth. He smiles and makes monster noises. I like to kiss him and watch him sleep and buy overpriced things for him.

My favorite color is red. I prefer salty to sweet. I like the heat of the summer, and I can't keep a plant alive. I love red wine, and I occasionally miss smoking.

Maybe, Sparrow

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